Sometimes I can't even stand myself

I'm having one of those nights when I wish I could just shut up, but unfortunately, I just keep talking and talking. Word vomit. Heard that in a movie I watched tonight with Amy. Mean Girls. Amy had heard good things and even the very straight guy at Blockbuster said it was good and he is a self-professed picky movie watcher. We enjoyed it quite a bit. But I digress.

I feel like a bad person because a really wonderful, charming, nice, funny, sweet, totally thoughtful guy likes me, and I don't like him back as anything more than friends. I want to - I really do. But I also know that I can't force something that is not there. And the "gut feeling" as my good buddy M used to say a long time ago - it just isn't there. I feel like crap about it. Why can't the boys I like, like me back? Why do I always have to talk about it though? I've made a complete mountain out of something that does not need to be, yet it's going to bother me for days. *sigh*

I make my life so complicated sometimes. I need some zen.